• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer
  • FOR CHURCHES
    • Conferences, Seminars, and Retreats
    • Marriage Coaching
    • Clergy Marriages
    • Marriage Retreat (for Clergy)
  • FOR COUPLES
    • Marriage Coaching
    • Operation: Thriving Marriage Experience
  • For Military
    • Conferences, Seminars, and Retreats
    • Marriage Coaching
    • Marriage Coaching Intensives
Operation: Thriving Marriage

Operation: Thriving Marriage

Bryon and Jennifer Harvey

  • RESOURCES
    • Podcast
    • Book
    • Small Group Curriculum
    • Blog
  • ABOUT US
    • Gallery
  • Contact
  • Merch

Sex and Intimacy

March 14, 2022 by Bryon Harvey

Questions from the “Under Construction” marriage conference at Grace Bible Church in Ann Arbor, MI.

We were not able to answer all the questions that were texted to us during our breakout at the Under Construction marriage conference at Grace Bible Church in Ann Arbor, MI. In this blog post we have provided answers to the questions we were unable to address.

Q: Sex is almost always scheduled for us because our jobs are crazy and we have a little one. Is that okay? Or should our relationship foster more spontaneity?

A: It’s great that amidst your busy schedules, you have made it a priority to carve out time for intimacy together. If this is working for you then it is absolutely okay! You are the co-authors and co-architects of your sex life together. Your sex life is your sex life. The worst thing you can do is try to compare it to what you perceive other couples are doing or some unattainable idealized expectation. Check in with each other about how your current arrangement is working out for both of you. Are you both honestly comfortable with this and enjoying your sex life together?  Sometimes this can be personality driven regarding preferences to scheduling versus spontaneity. Scheduling will give you the opportunity to look forward to a day and time for intimacy together; spontaneity can be a great surprise to both of you. As you discuss what works well right now, be ready to adjust as your life stage, schedules, and other factors change.

Q: What one thing made the biggest difference in having a healthy, thriving sex life over the years?

A: Time and time again we hear that “great communication makes for great sex.” Work on your relationship outside of the bedroom. If your spouse isn’t already your best friend, take steps to achieve that relationship goal together. Have fun together. Let your spouse know that he/she is important to you and desired for who he/she is right now. Talk about what each of you enjoy and do not enjoy during sex. We recommend that you have sex frequently – whatever you define that to be – as you are able to do in your current context and understand that will change as time goes one.

Q: Could you dive more into what’s the difference between biblical sex and cultural sex? Is there overlap? Or the difference between objectification and cherishing?

A: American culture has cheapened sex. Rather than the fulfilling connection of two people committed to each other “knowing” one another, it is treated as a mere animal instinct. Sex in the mass media is communicated as an irresistible force rather than the thoughtful passion of two people communicating love to each other. Secular culture views sex as merely a hormonal response to stimuli. Humans are viewed as no different from other animals with an irresistible sex drive that must be addressed. Ultimately, our culture says that sex is first and foremost for pleasure and secondarily for procreation. The life-long bond that sex is designed to create and maintain is rejected as backwards and a vestige of puritanical repression. The Bible, on the other hand, proposes a very high view of sex. It is an act of love and commitment between two people. It celebrates sex as a means of procreation, pleasure, and maintaining a life-long bond.

With regard to the difference between objectification and cherishing, author Gary Thomas has the quote “Use sex to cherish your spouse; do not use your spouse to cherish sex.” That means that God has given humankind the act of sex as the ability to communicate love and cherish your spouse. Objectification, instead, is using a person for your own gratification; with objectification there is no mutuality between the spouses but it is self-centered and self-serving. Ultimately we use our spouse to cherish sex when we focus on our own pleasure and sexual release. We use sex to cherish our spouse when we focus on connection, intimacy, and transparency through the physical union of our bodies.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: bible, intimacy, marriage, sex

Footer

About OTM

Operation: Thriving Marriage exists to be a resource for couples and churches to build thriving marriages. After writing the book, Bryon and Jennifer felt God calling them to expand on that work to use what he had taught them to help strengthen Christian marriages. After a lot of prayer and conversation the vision of being a resource for couples and churches began to come into focus. We believe that God doesn’t want marriages to merely survive. God wants marriages to thrive.  Whether it’s through the book, podcast, coaching, or a live event, we pray that God uses Operation: Thriving Marriage to encourage you and strengthen your marriage and the marriages in your community.

Search

Follow us

  • facebook
  • twitter
  • youtube

Copyright © 2025 Operation: Thriving Marriage | Bryon and Jennifer Harvey

Manage Cookie Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}